For as long as I’ve been in school, I have lived for the breaks.
There is something about school that sucks the life out of me. Not to be melodramatic, but it takes my soul and squishes it into maybe the tiniest little grey box that you have ever imagined. And like, this box isn’t even recyclable – it’s just the worst box ever. As a college student, I live in that box for about 9 months of the year. (Shit… I’m taking summer classes this year too…this is gonna be an 11-monther, dammit.)
But then the breaks.
Oh my god the breaks.
At my old college, a break was nothing more than an average (extremely stressful) school week, only you don’t go to classes. But big university life comes with breaks that actually mean something – a break.
And I lose my mind in the best way.
It doesn’t matter how long the break is, the second I am out of school and have had a few hours to regain my energy and temporarily yank back the soul that academics had been crushing in that tiny grey box, I am flooded with ideas. Thoughts, visions, sounds, projects, endeavors, life goals, to-do lists, flood into my mind, and none of them wait their turn.
But I adore this part of my brain that is just a little crazy. Because for 9 (or 11) months out of the year, I have to scold my crazy, tell my crazy to shut up and write a serious paper or study for a serious test, or do something meaningless and mind numbing and soul-boxing. But then a break comes, and I let my crazy be free. And there are a lot of things that I don’t like about myself, but I do love to watch myself just happen. Because that’s my natural state – creating. And when I’m in this zone, it doesn’t matter what thought or vision or sound or project or endeavor or life goal or to-do list it is – it’s going to be meaningful, somehow in some way, and things with meaning are beautiful.
So this break, I have: planted an entire indoor vegetable and herb garden, drawn a bunch of shit for my art class (the one class that didn’t actually have any assigned work for the break, whoops), written almost 20 pages of free verse poetry, written one short story, experimented with acrylic painting, shot and edited an entire video that I think is pretty sweet, listened to a bunch of inspiring podcasts, put together some freaking killer outfits, tried to put a ton of weird stuff in the coffee maker (but don’t worry – it was so good!), started a serious collection of ideas to pursue out of college in regards to living a life I can love, and also begun to name the first few spinach sprouts that have popped up in the last week (I named the first one Ireland). I have done absolutely homework, but I don’t really give much of a fuck because I feel great.
This is me at my happiest, taking care of myself by letting myself happen.